Sunday, January 18, 2015

Sexy D&D: Keep on the Borderlands

2015 is the year we're putting it all out there! I want to talk about something most tabletop gamers hide from: Sexy D&D. My wife and I are fans of sexuality in art and gaming, so we've used the Book of Erotic Fantasy, released under D&D 3rd edition, quite a bit. I've never felt that I was great at being a 3rd edition DM, but since I've last played, I've had quite a bit of experience with OSR gaming so I decided to import some rules on top of BoEF. The result was mixed, but overall a fun experience. Very NSFW below. Seriously.


For starters, here is the wife's character. Last time we played, she was a prostitute bard who used her high charisma to attract a few henchmen. This time, she decided to play a class out of BoEF, the Kundala.

Lotus, Level 1 Half-Elf Kundala, has both male and female parts, LN, 5'4" 130 lbs, green eyes, white hair, brown skin. Her age is somewhat disputed, but for some reason in the BoEF "Juvenile creatures receive a +2 to appearance related skill checks" (pg. 40) which I think is kinda sketchy. So she's 18 but benefits from being a "juvenile" for purposes of getting that whack bonus. STR 15, DEX 15, CON 14, INT 16, WIS 18, CHA 14, APP 16.

Yeah, that's appearance, a 7th stat (kind of like comeliness) that comes into play with appearance-based skill checks. No weapons, barely any clothes, and skills in mundane things except for some BoEF skills in particular: Perform (Sexual Techniques), Craft (Sexual Items), and Profession (Prostitute). You can kind of guess as to the kind of activities this character is going to be embarking in. I look through my module collection, not really wanting to necessarily throw the character into my usual sandbox campaign world. Keep on the Borderlands looks kinda useable, thanks to a pretty detailed town setup in the beginning.


Lotus begins by traveling up the ramp by herself, with not much else but one days worth of rations, leather armor, and a backpack. Guards at the top of the ramp call out to her before she can reach the area before a closed drawbridge. Wearing plate armor, carrying polearms, with blue tabards, they demand she identify herself and her purpose. "I'm just a travelling monk," she says, and without much in the way of threatening equipment they lower the drawbridge and let her in quickly. She travels the streets looking for a tavern, whereupon finding the tavern named "Tavern" in the west side of the keep, she sits for hours listening to rumors and waiting for interesting people to come in.

Her goal is to find out more about the nearby Caves of Chaos, so she listens intently for any mention of a nearby cave. Rumors of treasure and evil to be vanquished abound, she gathers four men as mercenaries and one female elf to accompany her the next morning. Without pay, Lotus realizes, they may not want to accompany her, so she offers to fuck them all in exchange for mercenary work the following day, as well as a share of the treasure. The bar overhears and goes quiet, the elf blushes, and one or two of the mercenaries look uncomfortable at the sudden proposition (for unknown reasons.) A quick negotiation lands them all equal shares of treasure and the sex bit is dropped.

Lotus is now stuck with a dilemma, though, needing some sex (having taken the Kundalini feat from BoEF she is required to have sex for 20 minutes a day to get a +2 bonus to her wisdom). Now that she didn't exactly hit it off with tomorrow's adventuring party, the tavern once again becomes a waiting ground until she encounters two guards of the keep, off duty and enjoying some beer. Approaching them and working a little Diplomacy, she manages to land a prostitution gig with the both of them.

I may have been a little liberal here, but I allowed her appearance modifier and Profession (Prostitution) skill to be added into Perform (Sexual Techniques) for a lot of bonuses. The result was an Extraordinary Performance (over DC30) which netted her 3d6gp from both guys for a total of 28 gold. Not bad for a starting monk! Now, since the rules specifically state she has to have sex for 20 minutes, we had to roll on an additional chart to see how long the threesome lasts. The two guards are first level fighters with no listed bonuses, so we'll say they don't have any CON bonuses for this Constitution check. Lotus passes with flying colors, lasting for 50 minutes. One of the guards passes for 60 minutes, and the other guard couldn't even make a DC10 check, which I guess means he blew his load before he started or only lasted 5 minutes or something.

We remembered that Lotus had Craft (Sexual Objects) so she whipped up an improvised condom. That bit worked, but the condom only has a 70% chance of success and turns out, it broke during intercourse. So, one of the guys blew his load in her. Luckily, humans only have a 20% conception rate, and a good roll meant that Lotus wouldn't be pregnant. That was metagame knowledge, though. Lotus ran to the provisioner to buy Birth Shield, an herbal tincture that would make her infertile for 4d6+6 days.

Anyway, Lotus gathered up her (now slightly disturbed) mercenary party and proceeded to the Caves of Chaos. The first cave they picked was full of goblins. Walking into the cave, I used the reaction system from BECMI, adjusting the roll based upon Lotus' APP modifier. 3rd edition modifiers are considerably higher than Basic D&D though, and if you allow the conditional +2 for being a "Juvenile" to affect reaction as well, on a 2d6 roll you have a situation where Lotus will very rarely, if ever, run into a monster that will be unfriendly to her, and that's based solely on her appearance. That's fine though, because a bunch of monster genocide doesn't really belong in sexy D&D.

Lotus and her party ran into a bunch of goblins with spears. They yelled something in goblin; her hirelings were tense and weapons were drawn. I wasn't sure if combat was going to erupt at this point. Then, I was genuinely surprised as a DM. Lotus gave the goblins 15 gold coins (from her sexual conquests the night prior) and although nobody could actually talk to the goblins, they made enough hand motions to walk through the halls. A couple of the goblins from the guard group escorted the party towards the goblin chieftain, where he sat before his female slaves and guards, pawing minor treasures. Again, the characters could not converse (nobody knew goblin) so limited interaction could take place, but Lotus put her hands together, bowed on her knees before the goblin chieftain, and backed out gracefully with the party.

Next, party decided to line up and go into a cave across the ravine. Lotus narrowly avoided a pit trap near the beginning of this cave, so she sent one of the mercenaries to lead the group, fearing more along the way. A quick look into a room to the side revealed a nasty garbage pit with rats, so they all ducked around the other path only to be confronted by armed kobolds. Luckily, reaction rolls were in the ugly guy up front's favor, and the kobolds held off for a bit and allowed Lotus to interject her beautiful self in front. She made a "stop" motion with her hands (being unable to speak draconic,) and the party once again slowly backed out.

Deciding to once again search a surface-level cave, Lotus and the group entered in a smaller cavern covered by brush and trees. Inside, a sour stench hinted at the true occupant, an ogre, who like everyone else, was enamored with Lotus instantly. He was firm about trespassers, though; Lotus would have to pay him 20 gold to leave here unscathed! There was the problem of her not having enough gold, though... she had given quite a lot to the goblins. "How about I pay you with my ass?" she offered, rolling diplomacy with a result of 20. The ogre agreed, and we ended the session there.

Sexy D&D almost requires the game to be served up in a narrative fashion. B2, Keep on the Borderlands, is actually kind of terrible for this. There aren't many named people, plot arcs within the area, or major events happening. It's just a micro-sandbox designed for a beginner party to romp around in. In terms of playing Sexy D&D, this is definitely not the best choice, but it is entertaining.

As far as Lotus advancing, we had a laugh mid-game when my wife asked, "Is there any treasure around here that ISN'T guarded by humanoids? Lotus doesn't wanna kill anything!" B2 doesn't really satisfy that kind of itch. It's a straight up murder-and-grab from a bunch of indigenous cultures that don't actually appear to be hindering the keep in any way. In a way, this Sexy D&D game of B2 is the most Lawful Good rendition of the adventure I've played.

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